People who have come into my life and then parted ways are my life’s prophets. They came at the right time- a time in need of comfort, friendship, support, company, love. They had a purpose to have come into my life-they had and made reason for me to keep walking and to never stand alone. They were not prophets to forecast the future, they were prophets to interpret messages hidden in the past, to untangle the knots of the current signs, and they push forward to the future, so that when and should I fall, I would land right onto their words of encouragement, inspiration and hope. They were all wonderful people and I blame them not for walking out or away-maybe their mission ended just then and there as I proceeded with my life’s calling. But I thank them for making this presence in my life. Although we may be sparingly in touch, we know that sometimes we do cross each others’ minds and hearts-we yearn to learn about each others’ news and updates. But maybe we now rely on telepathy more than any form of modern communication. And as we go on with our lives, we know that I will trip over and fall again, I will find strength to stand up, find balance and walk forward-and they know that I will find more significant signs to help me find my way; like the light within me which loses energy to find the end of the tunnel, like the loss of hope I encounter in long days, and like the fact that I lost so many people I loved in the name of love and genuine generosity. They, for some reason, believe more and more, just like I have discovered as I have reflected upon my past, that there will only be better coming along my way- I just have to be ready to receive; and they preached me how to prepare myself for just that because they knew that I will not stop giving, loving, and forgiving.
Sometimes when I look back I question myself if I have given too much or naively gave away so much of my heart. As I turned back to my pages of youth, I stumbled upon a word of advice a young student back in middle school once told me as we discussed endlessly about life on our trips back home from school. He told me, “For every person you love, you give a piece of your heart. If you love too much now, when you find the one you will not have a piece big enough for him.” I tried living with this piece of wisdom along my path towards finding meaning and myself, but lost track somewhere along the way as I was meeting and embracing amazing people every day. I now realized I loved everyone who came into my life with so much passion and whom truly took a piece of my heart but didn’t break it- they only made my heart bigger. And although I still haven’t found the one, I know I have so much more to give- just like a well of water that never dries. For everyone who didn’t find the meaning of me in the past, I knew they would someday realize it because they are good people who had trouble finding sense and logic, just like I had trouble making sense in many things along the way. And for this I was able to forgive them during the time. Today, everyone discovers meaning because they are making effort; they have dug deeper into the well, they are reading between the lines, they are matching pieces and putting the puzzle together. And all say the same thing as I embrace their regret and apologies.
Considering the advice that was given to me, I wish I could tell that young kid who now is much older, that it is not a piece of my heart that they have taken; it is more like that they have been welcomed into my life and I have built for each and every one of them a home inside my heart, where they know that when in need they will know where to find me, comfort and friendship. They knew it then and they know it now, and this is why they find their way back.
I ask myself have I given too much that my pride was harmed? I answered, “I was hurt then and considered pride as a cost, but because I didn’t see a piece of pride broken during the time, then how would it be affected today? Should have it been harmed before, now the dues are paid to me in full terms: I have their friendship.” When I give, I think not of a return, I think not of a benefit, I think not of a reward. It satisfies me and my heart that my gestures and tokens of love bring happiness (and maybe not gratitude at the time) to others. I believe that everyone deserves to receive and to be given what should be given. If God has granted me the blessing of giving, then so shall be it. And because I have given with my heart and from my heart, I regret nothing. If someone wants to interpret it in a different way apart from sincerity, then so let it be because I care not of the interpretation- I care more for the essence of the definition. Let those who are blinded to read empty pages be lost later on in the reading of scrambled meanings, and when I am not there to hold their hands to help them read, they will struggle and eventually discover everything by themselves later on. To me, nothing really matters on the spot, it’s the deeper, the latter, the future, that’s farther away to them than it is to me. Let all the souls that whispered into themselves secretive secrets of selfishness realize that life is not about the money, the reward, the figure. It is yet about the value, the gratitude and the character. After all, as we all know, that is what really matters, despite our urge to satisfy much of our ambitions and everlasting greedy souls.
Life has way too many complications, and yet only we make it so much more confusing. We allow ourselves to read invisible lines, instead of the ones written in front of our eyes. We burn ourselves with ignorance and then realize that it was fire that flamed our passions and it is also she who shattered us into ashes. We flip through life like a book and forget that it is people who constitute the content of a book. People are the ones who give value to life, like words give meaning to a book. Incidents are the pages-flip through them, but dare not to skim through the words. Or else, there was no reason for you to hold the book in the first place.
To the friend, the brother, the destined lover:
Yes, I will go anywhere and everywhere you may go, but I kindly ask to not take me for granted, not break my heart, and do not interpret things apart from what your heart truly feels. Spare me and spare yourself the vague explanations of others, and yes, listen to the goodness that comes from your heart. If you lose me along the way, remember that one day I asked you before letting me in on your journey, through a gentle plea; and you will always know that with the harm that I may encounter, that I will forgive you, I will still hold you graciously in my heart, and you will still find your home when you make your way back..For friendship, comfort and support.
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