The Ex's Second Love

The world is organized by following the clock. Time is the mean we value the passing of a day. It calculates the movements of the sun’s presence and the domination of night. Time passes by and the moment lived will not be re-lived or repeated. Yet what is so ironic about it is that as though we move forward with time, many events reoccur. It's as though the past holds on to the present and clings on to the future. Like history you may say-repeats itself. Although one day is 24 hours, time is determined by 12 numbers on our watches and on our clocks.  We observe patiently the hands of time strike over each hour; the same hands briskly touch each hour’s number every day. This brings me to conclude that the same events have been reoccurring throughout man’s existence: celebrations, feasts, births, deaths, etc. We even experience the same emotions and feelings throughout time. But every experience has its own context. For example, we all feel fear, but the sense of fear from one person to the other varies according to the situation they are facing. But the point is, just like the hands of time touch every number on the clock over and over again, from the start of creation until today, we repetitively feel the same feelings and for some or many, live through the same or similar experiences in our lives.

Almost 20 years ago, during his years studying in college, he fell in love. He was from a good family, did well for themselves- highly appreciating and greatly proud of the prestigious and honorable earnings of education and academics. He was brought up in a home full of love, respect and warmth and was living the glorious days of youth when he finally found someone. Without many details given and as the story was briefly narrated to me, the couple was ambitious. He was determined to work hard and cooperate with time to reach their aspired goals of their love: to marry, build a home, and start a family. She was anxiously impatient for the results which led him to grasp the opportunity to leave his home country to follow the makings of the American dream. It was, during the time, the promising prime time in America to create and obtain the typical American dream; make money, have a house, have a family, a dog, with a car or two, all this of course by having a job and becoming an entrepreneur on the side. Doors were just too inviting and it was hard for a young man of his age with hopes of making his own personal dream come true to unwelcome such an opportunity. Although she had hurt him and was inconsiderate of the many factors that seemed to immobilize their ambitions, she indirectly pushed him to make such a decision. He left his family, friends, and his home. But he also left because he wanted to prove to himself that he could make himself by himself, and that he waited for no one, not even his lover, to underestimate his abilities.

He left to the unknown, vast, promising lands. He didn’t know where to start. He struggled in the beginning, but seized every opportunity he was given. He was homesick, he was lonely, he felt weaknesses which sometimes led him to want to go back home-but as persistent of a man he is, he was not going to gamble with his own life. He wasn’t going anywhere until he got what he came for. Two years passed in hard work, all in silence between him and his girl back home. He left her behind, without even saying good bye. Harsh you may say, but we don’t know how harsh she might have hurt him-after all he left his world behind and embarked into an indefinite life-alternating journey. She incessantly asked about him, tried to track down and trace his whereabouts until one day she got a phone call. He finally called her and said: “It’s me; you thought I won’t find a job, I did. You thought I will never own a house, I own two. You didn’t want to wait and I left to see how long I could wait to make it. I hope you are doing well.”

His first love hurt him. But his first love also made him. It made him the ambitious person who reached his goals, the good father he has become, and the great man of strength and patience, amidst holding precious conduct and ethos which he spreads humbly, and gracefully hands to others pure kindness and love. His first love made him discover himself and build his own empire of gratitude.

Two decades later, he fell in love again. He fell in love at first sight with a girl as she was walking to the vet, holding her puppy in her hands, after noticing her frustration in finding a parking spot in the street-packed full of cars in Cairo. He made an entrance with a young prince by his side while she was speaking with her veterinarian. And the sparks of a new love born was undeniable when all three animal lovers interacted. It seemed that the couple didn’t need time to get to know each other, because they already knew they did. It was a story like one seen in Hollywood movies. Two people meet, love at first sight and the story would continue to a happy ending. But the story ended too quickly, unfortunately. It ended because of the ways that life works around us. Although the couple were deeply in love and held all the qualities of a mature love, they separated because all of the world’s energy seemed to mystically deny their love’s existence and create the possibility of a future. The reasons, the events, the characters involved all prevented the making of their love a reality. The only true fact that does exist, is that they loved and secretly still do hold each other’s hearts inside another.

This time, the girl was devastated. She had lost all her hopes. She lost her dreams. She lost herself with this horrific ending to the one man who had truly respected her. She had been respected from many around her, but she always struggled in finding someone who preserved the true meaning of respect. Unlike love, respect is the value and appreciation of all the translucent things that one holds for another; respect of one’s thoughts, efforts, ideologies, opinions, characteristics, form, history, perspectives, dreams, visions, and present. They may be all contradicting at the same time, changing, modified, and or evolving at times, but respect is the secret to loving all those things at once. Loving these things in a person without respect will only cause disappointment when they change. When we fall in love, we tend to love what we see; we tend to only love what we feel comfortable with or relate closer to. We make excuses of failures and hurt because we love. We put the blame on love. But when you respect what you see in others, the obviously given and the ones unseen, the only expectation you have and know is that the possibility that change will occur, and when that happens, you respect that too. Your heart makes a call and has a say in loving a person or not by accepting the possible changes that will prevail, eventually. When you respect someone, you accept the results and the outcomes because you understand how this person thinks, acts and behaves. You know, value, and appreciate the way their mind thinks and the code of standards they live by. You identify the core reasons because you see the transparent things in this person-in which you have identified, touched and felt before you love, because you respected the person before you made a step into loving them.

The breakup led the girl to leave. Frustrated at her loss and defeat, she was lost in interlocking bubbles of confusion. She had always wanted a way out, to leave. But the reason she never made it out before through her failing attempts was because life kept her waiting to live through this breakup. There had to be enough reasons then for her to make a move out and far away. She left him in their home country and she flew away to the unknown, vast promising lands, embarking into an indefinite life-alternating journey of her own. Midway through her stay in America, she called him and said: “I haven’t forgotten you once. You are everywhere I go. I love you and will always love you. I miss you terribly and please forgive me.”

My ex’s first love made him leave his home and made him build wonders to his life. His second love led him to launch his own restaurant, making one of his silent dreams come true.  And the girl left her home to start making her wonders to her life.

The world as we know it is very strange. Two people met, loved and separated- but, ironically, the events over time reoccurred. Just like the hands of time sweeps over the same hours, over and over again.